My “About Me” tab states that at the start of this blog my son is 14 months. That is actually untrue. This blog was conceived right after he was conceived. I found out that I was pregnant very early on and a good friend said “hey you should blog about your pregnancy!” It was such a great idea because my pregnancy was a surprise and since I’m a comedian (self-proclaimed) and a bit eccentric it would be cool for people to read about my journey (freak-outs) of becoming a mom. I was trying to come up with a name for this blog when hypermesis gravidarum struck.
Hypermesis gravidarum is extreme and persistent nausea and vomiting during pregnancy that can lead to dehydration. Basically I was puking my brains out about 4 times a day for the first 15 weeks of my pregnancy. I never had an appetite during the first trimester. And if anyone knows me, they know that food is my life. My. Life. Everyday I wake up thinking of food so you can imagine that not being able to eat was my worst nightmare (besides clowns – not a fan). My body was so achy, weak and nauseous that I could barely talk on the phone or leave the couch – unless I was running to put my head in the toilet. Mister recalls that time period as “throw up being the soundtrack to his dining experiences.” One time during a bout of dry-heaving I hear Mister and my MIL (mother-in-law) yell “thanks for taking one for the team!” Man how I wished we had a T.V. in our bedroom because the bathroom would have been much closer. Looking back, why didn’t I just have Mister move the tv to our bedroom? Duh! Wow, that was dumb. Anyway, I was completely miserable and unable to blog about it.
Once I started feeling better in the fourth month I was hitting the streets! I was so excited to be able to leave the house that I went out whenever I could. Walking around the mall, visiting friends, relaxing at the park, reading at the library, going out to lunch and dinner, anywhere but home. Oh and the food… mmm… the wonderful food. Pregnancy is like bacon – it makes everything taste better. Unless it stinks, then it is the most putrid, dumpster, roadkill, awful thing you’ve ever smelled. Before I knew it, it was month six. I was as big as a house and my cankles (calf + ankle) were on fire. I looked like a member of the Klumps family. Around month seven the heartburn kicked in so bad and my body became so uncomfortable that I could barely sleep. Daytime naps for two hours in between my round the clock eating fest and elevating my cankles became the norm. Yeah, I was a hot mess. Month nine flew by so fast! It felt as though I was saying “wahoo, month 9… baby is almost out” and 5 minutes later he was born.
So there you have it. That is why I didn’t start this blog until after he was born. Why I waited until he was 14 months, now that’s another story…