5 Ways Toddlers Drive You Crazy


Today has been one of the most frustrating days I’ve had as a parent thus far.  I planned out a great day: healthy breakfast, clean the kitchen, go for a walk and wash the dog.  All of those things happened, but not as pleasantly as they sound.  Sonshine was in T.T.M. (Tazmanian Toddler Mode), therefore making every task more complicated.  I strapped my patience on and grit my teeth through each activity.  I have been trying to practice mindfulness, but then I realized…  toddlers make you crazy!  Here is why:

  1. They hate the same exact food that they loved yesterday.  This is especially frustrating when you pack a lunch and there aren’t any acceptable food options around.
  2. They touch you so much that you’d be happy to never be touched again.  EVER. IN. LIFE.  Being “touched-out” is a real thing.
  3. They live attached to your leg.  Ever try cooking dinner, cleaning or doing anything with a toddler standing in every direction you move?  It’s like they shadow clone themselves to always be in the way.
  4. They want to be independent, yet are slower than Mr. Roger’s (Neighborhood), and have a complete meltdown if you try to help them (aka speed up the process so you can get out the door because although everyone is ready, 30 extra minutes disappeared).
  5. They never see the thing you are pointing to, naming, describing and asking them to pick up.

Parent: “Please pick up that block.”

Toddler: (Looking perplexed as if you are speaking in another language).

Parent: “The red block.  That red, triangle block.  Right there!  Go over there!  Okay, stop!  Now look down.”

Toddler: (Spins around whilst looking down and still can’t find it).

Parent: “By your feet!  LOOK, IT’S RIGHT THERE!”

And just when you are in a complete tizzy and decide to walk over to get it, your toddler bends down and picks it up.

Every single one of those things happened to me today – all before 2pm.  Plus the dog’s shenanigans – only wanting to walk on one side of the street, running while getting a bath, taking a piss on said hose that I was about to wash him with and crying all day.  The combination of the toddler + dog = a Super PAC of Frustration that cannot be rivaled.  That was it – my patience was defeated.  I completely lost my ish in my driveway.  Yes, I turned into a complete crazy person while both of them stared at me as if I were tripping for no reason.  Arrrrgh!  Good thing most of my neighbors were at work.  I may have scared off the other neighbors from ever speaking to me again.  Is it frowned upon to have wine for lunch?