5 Ways Toddlers Drive You Crazy

Today has been one of the most frustrating days I’ve had as a parent thus far.  I planned out a great day: healthy breakfast, clean the kitchen, go for a walk and wash the dog.  All of those things happened, but not as pleasantly as they sound.  Sonshine was in T.T.M. (Tazmanian Toddler Mode), therefore making every task more complicated.  I strapped my patience on and grit my teeth through each activity.  I have been trying to practice mindfulness, but then I realized…  toddlers make you crazy!  Here is why:

1. They hate the same exact food that they loved yesterday.  This is especially frustrating when you pack a lunch and there aren’t any acceptable food options around.
2. They touch you so much that you’d be happy to never be touched again.  EVER. IN. LIFE.  Being “touched-out” is a real thing.
3. They live attached to your leg.  Ever try cooking dinner, cleaning or doing anything with a toddler standing in every direction you move?  It’s like they shadow clone themselves to always be in the way.
4. They want to be independent, yet are slower than Mr. Roger’s (Neighborhood), and have a complete meltdown if you try to help them (aka speed up the process so you can get out the door because although everyone is ready, 30 extra minutes disappeared).
5. They never see the thing you are pointing to, naming, describing and asking them to pick up.

Parent: “Please pick up that block.”

Toddler: (Looking perplexed as if you are speaking in another language).

Parent: “The red block.  That red, triangle block.  Right there!  Go over there!  Okay, stop!  Now look down.”

Toddler: (Spins around whilst looking down and still can’t find it).

Parent: “By your feet!  LOOK, IT’S RIGHT THERE!”

And just when you are in a complete tizzy and decide to walk over to get it, your toddler bends down and picks it up.

Every single one of those things happened to me today – all before 2pm.  Plus the dog’s shenanigans – only wanting to walk on one side of the street, running while getting a bath, taking a piss on said hose that I was about to wash him with and crying all day.  The combination of the toddler + dog = a Super PAC of Frustration that cannot be rivaled.  That was it – my patience was defeated.  I completely lost my ish in my driveway.  Yes, I turned into a complete crazy person while both of them stared at me as if I were tripping for no reason.  Arrrrgh!  Good thing most of my neighbors were at work.  I may have scared off the other neighbors from ever speaking to me again.  Is it frowned upon to have wine for lunch?

Public Meltdown: The Time I Became THAT Mom

Today I decided to take a quick trip to a large, popular farmers market to get a few things that I can’t get as cheap anywhere else.  Though it was during his nap time (he didn’t seem tired at all), Sonshine was excited to get out of the house and frankly I was as well.

He was rather quiet during the car ride there so I had no indication of what was to come.  We got out of the car and he happily sat down in the cart.  I was surprised that the farmers market so crowded considering it was a weekday afternoon.  It was the perfect amount of people to witness my son act like a complete donkey and embarrass me like I’ve never been embarrassed before.  I would have rather tripped on my face or loudly farted than be looked at as a pathetic mom with an out of control toddler.

He wanted to push the cart and when I said no he started throwing our items around the cart.  This was already uncharacteristic behavior for him so I tried to keep a low profile by giving him a toy and talking to him in a really sweet voice.  He quickly went from LittleCrankyBoots to Toddzilla.  He screamed at the top of his lungs, tried to get out of the cart and yelled “no mommy!” at me several times.

After quietly and nonchalantly waiting for him to calm down, I started to feel warm.  It was the heat from the deathray stares that I received from the other shoppers.  Disapproving looks, snarls, head shakes, pursed lips, “hmphs,” and other nonverbal judgments came hurling my way.  That’s when it hit me: I was THAT mom.  The mom with the out of control, heathen kid with no home training because clearly I wasn’t doing my job.  Three short years ago I would have been judging the hell outta THAT mom.  I wanted to completely disappear.  Just melt right into the floor.

At that moment, a grandma came up to me and said, “honey, I have a few grown kids.  Just ignore him.  You can’t spank him or it will make it worse.  He’s a toddler; they’re crazy.  And don’t worry about these people, if they have kids they’ll understand and if they don’t well, they have no opinion.”  Bless her heart.  I was so thankful for her kind words.

So the next time I’m out and I see THAT mom, I’ll be sure to leave my judgments where they are and if we happen to catch each other’s eye, I’ll give her a kind “I totally understand,” smile and I’ll keep it moving as if her kid isn’t having a rough time.  It doesn’t make her kid (or mine) a bad kid because they are having a bad day.  Parenting is a lot of work when our kids are having good days, we certainly don’t need the extra pressure or judgment when times are tough.

Have you ever been THAT mom?  Tell me about it in the comments below.